MARRIAGE LIFE PROBLEMS

A true relationship
“A true relationship can be developed only if there is proper understanding between a husband and wife, between friends, or whoever is involved in a relationship of any kind. There are different passages in life. Marriage is one such passage, and it is one of the most important ones there is. For a person who lives in the world (i.e. a householder), to be able to live a full, productive life, he or she must pass through the passage of marriage with as much love, intimacy, caring and commitment as possible. Married life, if it is lived with the proper love and understanding, will help awaken the feminine within a man, and the masculine within a woman. This balance can eventually help both of them reach the final goal of eternal freedom.”

“A true relationship is possible only when one is able to let go of all one’s preconceived ideas and prejudices, and when one stops being possessed by the past. Your mind is the past. Stop clinging to the past and you will be free and peaceful. To cling to the past is like living in the dark. We all want to be in the light. Stop fighting the past, stop reacting to it, and you will be in the light. You will then clearly be able to see everything that is happening within you. With such a clear vision it is possible to form a true relationship. … In such deep love, even your thought patterns will be the same. For example, a husband may think of something without saying a word about it. Yet somehow his wife is aware of it. He thinks of something and his wife says the same thing, or he wishes to do something and his wife suddenly expresses the same wish. …If this can happen in a normal relationship, the identification or sense of oneness that happens in the Guru sishya (disciple) relationship is incomparably greater.”

Question:
Why is there no real love in married life? What causes the conflicts and the friction?

There is a serious lack of understanding between the husband and wife. In most cases the couple won’t even make an attempt to understand each other. For the development of a true relationship to take place, a basic understanding of human nature, the nature of men and women, is essential. Men are mostly intellectually centred, while women tend to be more emotional. They dwell in two different centers, along two parallel lines. No real meeting takes place within them. How, then, can there be any love between the two? Their different natures should be understood and accepted, and each one, both husband and wife, should make a conscious effort to reach out to the other’s feelings, to the heart, and then try to work out their problems with this understanding as their foundation. They shouldn’t try to control each other. They shouldn’t say to each other, “I say yes, and therefore you should also say yes.”

Listen with love and concern

“It is very rare to find a truly loving relationship. The love between a married couple is usually only skin deep. If one of them says “yes,” the other will make it a point to say “no.” Children, learn to respect each other’s feelings. Learn to listen to each other’s problems with love and concern. When you listen to your partner, he or she should be able to feel that you are genuinely interested and that you would sincerely like to help. Your partner should feel your care and concern, your respect and admiration. An open acceptance of the other is needed, and there should be no reservations.”